Nearly Breakup Rant

I want this to be as hard to find as possible, but not so hard that it is impossible, so the quietest corner of the internet even conceived will have to do.

I just want to make you happy, to give you want you dream of, but it’s so hard. You want two contradictory things while ignoring one of the base principals of both. It will take time to do either, and I have no control over time. If we have children now, then we will be poor until they are at least 18. If we earn money now then you will leave me because nothing is happening fast enough. I just want it to be possible to give you what you want, a compromise which seems so impossible to reach. The kind that makes both parties angry rather than relieved is what I have appeared to create so far.

Your sister will always be a problem for you, I can see that. She’s got your dads DO IT NOW spirit that will mean she will do so much, but the only reason its all going to plan at the moment is luck. Your dad had everything going in the same way and luck brought him down. It will work its self out in the end; there is no other possible outcome. She stole your first born attention, and she held on to it in a way that stopped it being passed on, and you’re the only loser because you had it and lost it, your other siblings never got that attention in the first place. Its not even your fault, the only things I can think of that would have allowed you to catch it back would have made you into such a different person I wouldn’t be engaged to you if you did them.

Your parents are so lost with everything, they are drowning and you’re the only person who cares, you’re the only person who is trying to help them but they can’t see that. They are so worried about the bottom line that that is all they are looking at, they don’t see all the work you put in, and they will miss it if you go. You help so much, even though you don’t even think you do, that epitomizes it really, the fact that you don’t think what you do makes a big difference. Trust me when I say, it really does.

The reason you can’t get a job is also nothing to do with you. You are 18 -25, white, British, educated till you drop, inexperienced and desperate. All of these contribute to you being utterly unemployable. The age and inexperience makes you a high risk choice, as you would need training, which is highly expensive, and your young enough to make lots of choices, so they likely hood of you sticking around with all that training and putting it back where it came from is minimal. You’re white and therefore exactly what the quotas are not looking for. You have been in education since you could be, which apparently breeds apathy and a distaste for any form of actual work, along with ignorance and arrogance in a powerfully toxic combination (these things are not true about you, but businesses don’t care about YOU they care about there next employee, and stereotypes are all they have to draw from). And finally, you are inexperienced, which means that someone from the other side of the world, with a 2 month work visa would be placed in higher priority than you because they lied and happened to have “secretary experience” on their CV.

To conclude this impressively well structured rant, it’s not your fault. There is nothing you could/can/have done that would have made things any better. I just want you to see that what you do is important, and that important means something completely different to what most people seem to think. Apparently the PM is important, but so are you. You fulfil an incredibly important role, and you should feel proud of what you do. People are important in the situations they are in, just because the PM makes national decisions doesn’t make him any more important than the lorry driver who transports washing machines. Both fulfil important roles, and each has a distinct role to play, but there is no preference. You need to feel proud of what you are achieving, because you really are achieving, it’s just a new way of looking at things.

I love you my baby.

I half wish you never find this. That way you will never know what I really think, and the horrors of how I think.