My life in a badly phrased, ill spelt and poorly punctuated nutshell

Why do I spend hours of each day thinking of ways to be like everyone else? Thinking that I should do as everyone else does to succeed in the way they do? I know its arrogant to believe but I’m not like everyone else, I never have been, my entire upbringing has been different. Raised at a garage by a roundabout with no one but the tenants of the semi-detached house next door and I see more of them now they don’t live there than I ever did before. I can’t cycle, I live about 2 miles from anything interesting and the love of my life is double that away, yet it still took me 2 years to pass my driving test, although I didn’t spend most of that doing test, it only took me two, but I’m such a layabout that I didn’t get it organised. Thousands of pounds both me and my parents spent on this, and only yesterday I wrote my car off, only had it about a year, some old guy pulled out in front of me on a main road and there we go, whammy, as they say in Anchorman. I’m now looking for a new car but my father seems unilaterally adverse to me getting anything from anyone but his friends, who don’t have anything at the moment. I need a car, it’s a primal lust I tell you, the desperate desire to get away from my putrid mother is never ending. Still, her holidays are nearly over so it wont be too long until I have the day to myself.

Apart from writing off my car and failing to be like everyone else, I also managed to not get into university, my one desire in life for the entire length of it. I am, at heart a schemer, and although I do enjoy spontaneity, I always have to plan the event, so that when I am spontaneous, I have still controlled all the factors running up to it. Tangent concluded, what I am saying is that my plan concluded with university, and that I don’t have any other plan, I was going to university and that was it, as far as reality, fate and any other deity was concerned. Except that fate didn’t enjoy being predictable it seems, and my current crises is the resulting consequences. At the risk once again of sounding arrogant, I’m intelligent enough to go to university, just not skilled enough in arse kissery, essay perfection and mindlessness to get there. According to a trusted source, I think like and adult, not a child, and that is what is holding me back. Ironic isn’t it, being adult keeps me with the children; still, I suppose someone will have to look after them.

So basically, I have no dream left, no car, and a badly hurt Mrs, I know the last bit is nothing too special but I like 3s, they roll off the tongue nicely and make examiners swoon. I have nothing now except time, which, for one year at least, I intend to kill with a sharp and pointed stick, how it could be sharp and not pointed is beyond me, although it could be a blade, blades don’t have to be pointed… My god that was a boring tangent, moving on, that’s it really.

Peace.

I know, two posts in one day, its a miricle!

Are there rules? Really? What is the law? From where I’m sitting, it is the wisdom of some people who are both short and long sited in a mix of different ways, who over stipulate, under stipulate and perfectly predict what society needs in order to function in a workable way. All three of these happen, sometimes at the same time when the society is making rules for its self, which leads to an imperfect society, but a functioning one. And if this is so, which I believe it is, then the rules of society have no superior sway; they have no “moral” power, being simply an attempt by society to regulate its self.

This then leads to another hunt for a rules system. How about religion? Religion has rules, hundreds of them, “the 10 commandments”, “The golden rule”. Full of them. So, these rules come from a divine deity, though a chosen homo-sapien, onto paper. They take life and gather followers, people who prescribe to these rules and take great care in following them. And then, over time, people begin to stop taking heed, they begin to ignore rules they dislike, and ignoring all of them, they stop believing, and then the words begin to die, they are printed out too many times, their power fades and they become a story rather than a truth, fiction not fact, and then they are no longer rules.

Now this begs the question, can rules be forgotten? If so then religion is still with a shot, but if not, then they are out on their arse, reduced to nothing but thoughtful mumblings of people wise before their time. What do you do to see if something is true, you test it. Let’s take an ancient South American religion, one that is lost in time. Now there are two “god existence” theories, that god(s) create man, or that man creates god(s). If god creates man, then the god is unreliant on man for existence, and the rules will exist independent of man kind’s existence, as god created them, and as long as god exists those rules will exist. The other option is that man created god, in which case, when man kills god/the religion that created him, through forgetfulness or boredom the rules will die with him/it/her.

So, there is one possible yes answer. That rules exist through god. However, this hits a fairly large and unavoidable snag, why are there so many gods? And who, if anyone is right, are they all right? Seeing as god created humanity, he/she/it must be pretty powerful, which would, though not too much reasoning, result in the assumption that he knows what he is talking about, thus, why are there so many contradictions in rules? This religion says cows are sacred, this religion pigs are inedible, the list goes on… so if you are to say yes to the existence of rules through god, then I would love to know which one and why, because I cant see any reason why any one god has any more power than the other, and of course, the only way that the rules could exist through god is if he created us, which would make the size of his following immaterial.

I’ll tell you what, I will get back to you on this one.

What do I do with the rest of my life?

Hi there, haven’t seen you in a month or so, hope everything is going ok, no big worries or problems?

Just thought I would let you in on a little secret, I have no idea what I am going to do with the rest of my life, and this is a big concern for me, seeing as I am absolutely terrified of death, and I desperately want to do something, anything to avoid it. I really don’t know what to do. I have it all made it seems in one sense, except that everyone wants me to not do what is there for me to do, and this is including me, I can be so stupid at times. So I have university staring me in the face, and that is worrying too because I don’t know weather I really want to go or not, I mean, I am going to study philosophy, and no one is happy with me doing that except my mother, and she is only happy with me doing that because it involves going to university, she would happily have me do media studies if it involved going to university. Yes, that was a cheap jibe at media studies, but come on, it’s totally a bulshit subject, it doesn’t even have the defence of age…

So basically, what do I do with the rest of my life?