My life in a badly phrased, ill spelt and poorly punctuated nutshell

Why do I spend hours of each day thinking of ways to be like everyone else? Thinking that I should do as everyone else does to succeed in the way they do? I know its arrogant to believe but I’m not like everyone else, I never have been, my entire upbringing has been different. Raised at a garage by a roundabout with no one but the tenants of the semi-detached house next door and I see more of them now they don’t live there than I ever did before. I can’t cycle, I live about 2 miles from anything interesting and the love of my life is double that away, yet it still took me 2 years to pass my driving test, although I didn’t spend most of that doing test, it only took me two, but I’m such a layabout that I didn’t get it organised. Thousands of pounds both me and my parents spent on this, and only yesterday I wrote my car off, only had it about a year, some old guy pulled out in front of me on a main road and there we go, whammy, as they say in Anchorman. I’m now looking for a new car but my father seems unilaterally adverse to me getting anything from anyone but his friends, who don’t have anything at the moment. I need a car, it’s a primal lust I tell you, the desperate desire to get away from my putrid mother is never ending. Still, her holidays are nearly over so it wont be too long until I have the day to myself.

Apart from writing off my car and failing to be like everyone else, I also managed to not get into university, my one desire in life for the entire length of it. I am, at heart a schemer, and although I do enjoy spontaneity, I always have to plan the event, so that when I am spontaneous, I have still controlled all the factors running up to it. Tangent concluded, what I am saying is that my plan concluded with university, and that I don’t have any other plan, I was going to university and that was it, as far as reality, fate and any other deity was concerned. Except that fate didn’t enjoy being predictable it seems, and my current crises is the resulting consequences. At the risk once again of sounding arrogant, I’m intelligent enough to go to university, just not skilled enough in arse kissery, essay perfection and mindlessness to get there. According to a trusted source, I think like and adult, not a child, and that is what is holding me back. Ironic isn’t it, being adult keeps me with the children; still, I suppose someone will have to look after them.

So basically, I have no dream left, no car, and a badly hurt Mrs, I know the last bit is nothing too special but I like 3s, they roll off the tongue nicely and make examiners swoon. I have nothing now except time, which, for one year at least, I intend to kill with a sharp and pointed stick, how it could be sharp and not pointed is beyond me, although it could be a blade, blades don’t have to be pointed… My god that was a boring tangent, moving on, that’s it really.

Peace.

I know, two posts in one day, its a miricle!

Are there rules? Really? What is the law? From where I’m sitting, it is the wisdom of some people who are both short and long sited in a mix of different ways, who over stipulate, under stipulate and perfectly predict what society needs in order to function in a workable way. All three of these happen, sometimes at the same time when the society is making rules for its self, which leads to an imperfect society, but a functioning one. And if this is so, which I believe it is, then the rules of society have no superior sway; they have no “moral” power, being simply an attempt by society to regulate its self.

This then leads to another hunt for a rules system. How about religion? Religion has rules, hundreds of them, “the 10 commandments”, “The golden rule”. Full of them. So, these rules come from a divine deity, though a chosen homo-sapien, onto paper. They take life and gather followers, people who prescribe to these rules and take great care in following them. And then, over time, people begin to stop taking heed, they begin to ignore rules they dislike, and ignoring all of them, they stop believing, and then the words begin to die, they are printed out too many times, their power fades and they become a story rather than a truth, fiction not fact, and then they are no longer rules.

Now this begs the question, can rules be forgotten? If so then religion is still with a shot, but if not, then they are out on their arse, reduced to nothing but thoughtful mumblings of people wise before their time. What do you do to see if something is true, you test it. Let’s take an ancient South American religion, one that is lost in time. Now there are two “god existence” theories, that god(s) create man, or that man creates god(s). If god creates man, then the god is unreliant on man for existence, and the rules will exist independent of man kind’s existence, as god created them, and as long as god exists those rules will exist. The other option is that man created god, in which case, when man kills god/the religion that created him, through forgetfulness or boredom the rules will die with him/it/her.

So, there is one possible yes answer. That rules exist through god. However, this hits a fairly large and unavoidable snag, why are there so many gods? And who, if anyone is right, are they all right? Seeing as god created humanity, he/she/it must be pretty powerful, which would, though not too much reasoning, result in the assumption that he knows what he is talking about, thus, why are there so many contradictions in rules? This religion says cows are sacred, this religion pigs are inedible, the list goes on… so if you are to say yes to the existence of rules through god, then I would love to know which one and why, because I cant see any reason why any one god has any more power than the other, and of course, the only way that the rules could exist through god is if he created us, which would make the size of his following immaterial.

I’ll tell you what, I will get back to you on this one.

What do I do with the rest of my life?

Hi there, haven’t seen you in a month or so, hope everything is going ok, no big worries or problems?

Just thought I would let you in on a little secret, I have no idea what I am going to do with the rest of my life, and this is a big concern for me, seeing as I am absolutely terrified of death, and I desperately want to do something, anything to avoid it. I really don’t know what to do. I have it all made it seems in one sense, except that everyone wants me to not do what is there for me to do, and this is including me, I can be so stupid at times. So I have university staring me in the face, and that is worrying too because I don’t know weather I really want to go or not, I mean, I am going to study philosophy, and no one is happy with me doing that except my mother, and she is only happy with me doing that because it involves going to university, she would happily have me do media studies if it involved going to university. Yes, that was a cheap jibe at media studies, but come on, it’s totally a bulshit subject, it doesn’t even have the defence of age…

So basically, what do I do with the rest of my life?

Nearly Breakup Rant

I want this to be as hard to find as possible, but not so hard that it is impossible, so the quietest corner of the internet even conceived will have to do.

I just want to make you happy, to give you want you dream of, but it’s so hard. You want two contradictory things while ignoring one of the base principals of both. It will take time to do either, and I have no control over time. If we have children now, then we will be poor until they are at least 18. If we earn money now then you will leave me because nothing is happening fast enough. I just want it to be possible to give you what you want, a compromise which seems so impossible to reach. The kind that makes both parties angry rather than relieved is what I have appeared to create so far.

Your sister will always be a problem for you, I can see that. She’s got your dads DO IT NOW spirit that will mean she will do so much, but the only reason its all going to plan at the moment is luck. Your dad had everything going in the same way and luck brought him down. It will work its self out in the end; there is no other possible outcome. She stole your first born attention, and she held on to it in a way that stopped it being passed on, and you’re the only loser because you had it and lost it, your other siblings never got that attention in the first place. Its not even your fault, the only things I can think of that would have allowed you to catch it back would have made you into such a different person I wouldn’t be engaged to you if you did them.

Your parents are so lost with everything, they are drowning and you’re the only person who cares, you’re the only person who is trying to help them but they can’t see that. They are so worried about the bottom line that that is all they are looking at, they don’t see all the work you put in, and they will miss it if you go. You help so much, even though you don’t even think you do, that epitomizes it really, the fact that you don’t think what you do makes a big difference. Trust me when I say, it really does.

The reason you can’t get a job is also nothing to do with you. You are 18 -25, white, British, educated till you drop, inexperienced and desperate. All of these contribute to you being utterly unemployable. The age and inexperience makes you a high risk choice, as you would need training, which is highly expensive, and your young enough to make lots of choices, so they likely hood of you sticking around with all that training and putting it back where it came from is minimal. You’re white and therefore exactly what the quotas are not looking for. You have been in education since you could be, which apparently breeds apathy and a distaste for any form of actual work, along with ignorance and arrogance in a powerfully toxic combination (these things are not true about you, but businesses don’t care about YOU they care about there next employee, and stereotypes are all they have to draw from). And finally, you are inexperienced, which means that someone from the other side of the world, with a 2 month work visa would be placed in higher priority than you because they lied and happened to have “secretary experience” on their CV.

To conclude this impressively well structured rant, it’s not your fault. There is nothing you could/can/have done that would have made things any better. I just want you to see that what you do is important, and that important means something completely different to what most people seem to think. Apparently the PM is important, but so are you. You fulfil an incredibly important role, and you should feel proud of what you do. People are important in the situations they are in, just because the PM makes national decisions doesn’t make him any more important than the lorry driver who transports washing machines. Both fulfil important roles, and each has a distinct role to play, but there is no preference. You need to feel proud of what you are achieving, because you really are achieving, it’s just a new way of looking at things.

I love you my baby.

I half wish you never find this. That way you will never know what I really think, and the horrors of how I think.

Privacy

I’ve been noticing that recently I have issues with people being overly private about things. An example, which is always handy, is when it comes to curtains. Now, I understand the need for them, light pollution is such a horrible thing. But those strange mesh things that “let you see out but don’t let anyone else see in”. I’m worried as to what sort of society we are living in when we worry about people looking into our homes. I know the home is private and I understand that people enjoy their privacy, but don’t you think it’s a little excessive. Why shouldn’t people be able to look through your window? To see that little sofa that you got from France when you were 24, or the shelves that are actually your coffin but none of your family have noticed yet. You see there is nothing for you to be afraid of about people looking in at your window. Thieves would break in anyway, and take what you have regardless, so being open does protect you there, which is, as far as I can tell, one of the few reasons why you would “protect” yourself from the outside world.

This is a really scatty and messy one, with little justification or reasoning, but its how I think, so, if you really want, question me, otherwise you will have to make do with what I’ve given you.

Peace

Walls

Now I’m not claiming originality or anything, in fact I’m doing the opposite, just not going the whole way by falsely claiming originality for said idea. I am regurgitating banksy in a more literary form, so here goes.

Now I read once in the collected works of banksy something about walls, something to do with how amazing the world would look if everyone could just pick up a pen and draw on them, and not get stopped by the police telling you your defacing property when you are actually creating your masterpiece. And this made me think about how walls are complete obstacles to pretty much everything, well, free standing ones at any rate.

You see, walls are horrible. They are really boring; they get in the way and the CLOSE things off. They keep people out, and that is never good, I mean, privacy is overrated at any rate, but all this crap about keep off the grass and walling off large areas of the country for a few spoilt people to never look at for 300 years is plain silly. Where did the idea of buying land come from, I mean, it’s not like it’s a product that can be made or created on any commercial scale, ever the animal trader can claim to have a hand in his animals creation. Where as the land salesman has had no input on the land what so ever, except for what he put on there, which is for the general convenience of people anyway, and so could be built on any bit of land anywhere.

Wow, that was very scattered, tangent after tangent. Ok, let’s try to turn this constructive. Basically, I don’t see why you can’t “graffiti” walls? They would look so much better than dirty brick. And the walk to work would always be interesting; I think that was one of banksy’s lines, any way, yeah, so you could write or draw just what you were feeling, even collaborate with your friends and create this fresco of amazing images. I would be great. Sure, there would be those people who “cant draw”, but that just needs practice, and the crap stuff would be drawn over in a week or so anyway. You could watch people progress in their skills, add to their drawings, give advice and help to younger people, teach them.

I know I’m being idealistic and “out there” or “radical”. But to be honest, why not? I mean, it wont hurt, if you don’t like it, just paint over it.

Experts

I am an elitist. That is not to say that I believe that some people are fundamentally better than others, simply that some people are warranted greater influence over certain matters than others. To give you an example, a builder of 5 years experiences would have greater consideration take of his opinions on building, than say a chemist of 5 years. This is because of his expertise. Now in the field of chemistry, I would trust the chemist more than the builder. Everyone can follow my logic here, yes? Therefore, why not have and trust experts in other fields, such as politics.

There is a great example of the scientist David Nutt, who, to those of you who either don’t know or cant remember, was fired from his post because he told the government what they didn’t want to hear, that cannabis is in fact less harmful that alcohol, I know, its groundbreaking news, just makes you want to rip down the fabric of society and kill your neighbour doesn’t it (sarcasm). On a serious note, this is where experts were ignored. In politics there are few experts, and those who are do not have expertise in what society would consider meritable or universal areas. The manipulation of others, the twisting of words, the price of the soul, all these things that politicians make a art out of, and none of which help run a country.

And now, for my proposition, appoint more experts, and less political experts to the House of Lords, and give them greater power. As you can see now, I have a common format, I will probably break it next post, but there we have it, I make a point, explain it, link it to reality, and then give you a solution. Don’t you just wish I was your leader? (…sarcasm)

Beethoven is a MASTER.

No Readers...?

I feel some obligation to write another post, regardless of the fact that there are no readers, probably never will be, we will have to see… I’m not too sure what to say either, I had a perfect idea earlier today, but that was earlier today, so I have forgotten now.

I have managed to acquire the discography of the Flaming Lips. Who are awesome, truly awesome. I saw them once, at a festival in Holland, I wasn’t even intoxicated at the time, it was one of the coolest things I have ever seen, he (the lead singer) got into this enormous see through plastic ball and walked across the crowd. There were confetti cannons going off, trumpets and massive light displays all around. It was like being in the light fantastic, it was great! But back to the main point, I find it really nice when you can listen through a bands music and see progression; the Beetles are a perfect example, if you listen to “with the Beetles” or “please please me” and then to “the white album” or “abbey road” then you can really see how they have evolved and changed. Its true with Radiohead too, they have really grown from what they used to be, and it’s really pleasant to hear how. The Flaming Lips do this too, they are all rough and messy in the start but now they are smooth and interesting, grown up you could say.

I love music.

My View on Democracy

Now democracy… is seen as a double edged sword, we give people power, through trust and belief in their honesty and morality. We trust them to act on our behalf and do what is good for the nation, yes? They represent us in our mini version of the nation, parliament or congress or so on, and they act in our best interests, yes?

Why?

I know that people don’t like it, I know for not a fact because I hear people talking about it all the time, and that is not a fact that is the public hegemony. In the society we live in, we hate having to trust people with power; we are brought up in a capitalist society where the only person we can trust is us. And even then there are doubts. We give the keys of the nation to people we elect based on a few speeches and a document written by someone who has met the subject once. Yet we elect people based on this. It makes no sense.

It is understandable to have a form of representative democracy, I mean, there are 60 million people in the UK, and I don’t think anything would get done if you had to ask 60 million people every time you wanted to raise the salaries of MPs. (I know MPs wouldn’t exist if it was a direct democracy, but they seemed like a good candidate, if it pleases you so, substitute “civil servant” in there instead). Why no make things smaller? Why not have a smaller society that can deal with direct democracy, have civil servants that don’t exist, remove bureaucracy and the capacity for paper pushing. Why not?

Also, my favourite trousers ripped today, don’t buy chords from NEXT and walk 5 miles a day in them…

...First one?

So, I suppose this is the first of possibly many. I will make no apologies for anything I write on here, including contradictions. I’m human, despite some contrary opinion, and am as prone to mistakes or idiosyncrasies as anyone else. Book or film references are rife, so 10 points to anyone who spots them, I love media, even if I don’t get it, but there will be a lot of that, most of what I will say will probably be about how I don’t understand things. Still, that is who I am, I think I am done here for now, no doubt there will be some alterations and rewrites, but once again, I’m human, not a machine.